Blog 2025
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9.24.25
Finally back on my neocities grind. A part of what brought me back here was being so frustrated with the state of the digital space, particularly social media apps and the way misinformation spreads like wildfire. Everyone in the US should know about Charlie Kirk's death by now that is being used enflame right-wing nationalists and drive them further into loneliness and violence. Since then, my brother (Kirk supporter) threatened my dad with not showing at his wedding because my dad said that Kirk was reaping the consequences of his actions and rhetoric. My mother also got into it with me because she apparently had been listening to this man weekly through his podcast. Suddenly her descent down the right-wing rabbit hole makes a lot of sense.
I just read this op-ed from Roxane Gay called Civility Is a Fantasy which I think clearly illustrates some of the issues I've been having when trying to have conversations with right-wing family members. Gay takes issue with this demand from the right for people to demonstrate civility in their political disagreements, stating,"In the fantasy of civility, if we are polite about our disagreements, we are practicing politics the right way. If we are polite when we express bigotry, we are performing respectability for people whom we do not actually respect and who, in return, do not respect us. The performance is the only thing that matters."
I love my mother and I recognize she is a creation of her time and the racism and colorism that she's faced throughout her life as a brown Hispanic woman. Her life has been performances that she needs to put on to make people feel comfortable around her. Which I think is why she's so insistent on being friends and being kind to people who actively dislike her and believe hateful things about her or her family. We got into quite an arguement a few months ago because my mom could not fathom that if I was to marry a woman someday, I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding who didn't support same-gender marriage. To my mom, there is no relationship or bridge worth burning in the name of some lost respect. And that hurts me to think she's so okay with showing respect to people who do not offer the same to her or her family.
As a professor though, I recognize the need to put on some performances and handle certain topics with gloved hands. I get to see a set of students twice a week who are bright and have lots of attainable goals. Some of them also harbor more right-wing sentiments and struggle to understand racism and misogyny. When people have open minds and true respect for others, like I know my students do, these civil conversations can be successful. But only when respect is given both ways, and when arguements or debates use real factual information, not manipulated to incite fear and violence.
If you find yourself engaged in political conversation, I encourage you to assess a person's honest level of respect for both you, others, and the necessary ethical uses of information. Do not encourage conversations that only seek to ragebait and make fun of difficult topics. If those pop up, move your energy to more productive action. Sometimes, though not always, it's better to ignore bigotry and let it wilt under it's own foolishness.